5 Things You Need To Know For A Wedding In Cuba

Inspired by this travel piece that was linked to by Babalu Blog, I’ve decided to post my own version of “5 Things You Need To Know For A Wedding In Cuba:”

  1. Selecting a church: Fidel and Raul Castro’s communist Cuba is atheist, so good luck there. But hey, maybe if you promise to change Fidel’s colostomy bag, Cardinal Bertone might be willing to preside over your wedding.
  2. Food: Ha! Hahahahaha! You REALLY expect to find food in Cuba? Maybe on Raul’s dinner plate. You’ll have to save your rations for months to have a decent wedding reception. Of course, that begs the question: what are you going to eat until the wedding? Well, at least you’ll be sure to fit into your wedding dress or tuxedo on your big day.
  3. Wedding wear: And that brings us to “thing” number three. Forget the designer duds–this is a communist country after all. Try one of those Che Guevara t-shirts the useful idiots in free countries wear. Or you can wear olive drab military fatigues like the “Coma-andante” used to wear.
  4. Wedding gifts: Don’t expect to receive much in the way of wedding gifts. Unless one of the invitees is a member of Cuba’s nomenclatura. Nobody in Cuba has much to give. The one exception to this rule is the family of political prisoners. With one or more members languishing in a Castro gulag, they’re likely to be able to have a few things to spare that they can give you and your beloved as gifts.
  5. The Honeymoon: Ah yes. Where to get away with your loved one after you exchange your vows? Well, now that Raul Castro has opened Cuba’s hotels to, um, Cubans, perhaps you can stay there. Oh, way too expensive for the average Cuban, you say? Then perhaps a cruise on Cuba’s first ever cruise liner! Or maybe you can go on your own, um “cruise” on a makeshift raft. Of course, if you get caught, you might end up with an all-expenses paid “honeymoon” in one of Castro’s prisons instead. What could be more romantic than your own dank, dark 5-by-5 cell with a hole in the ground for a toilet and vermin to keep you company?